Dating in the Digital Age

The Pros and Cons of Dating Via Apps

 Written by Nigel G Kettle

One of the great promises of social media and online dating is to bring people together. While it has opened the door to meeting new people in some ways, it is also partially responsible for the void people often experience in relationships. An overwhelming number of people have expressed their sense of increasing loneliness since the advent of social media.  As the number of contacts grows, so too does the number of genuine friends seem to diminish.

Nonetheless, the way we initiate love is undergoing a dramatic transformation due to the rise of digital technology. Unless you are inclined to live in the Ice Age—OK, I'm not sure the term "Ice Age" is entirely accurate. I'm struggling to find the right word to describe the age we are transitioning from right now, but you get the gist. At the speed at which the world is changing, soon will be gone the days when the person you date will be someone from your school, church, or neighborhood; today, singles are swiping left and right on various apps, meeting potential partners from across the country—or even the world. This article explores the pros and cons of dating in the digital age and the impact it is having on society at large.

The Rise of Online Dating

Let's start by looking at some stats. According to the Pew Research Center, as of 2021, approximately 30% of U.S. adults have used an online dating site or app. This figure has nearly doubled from 11% in 2013, showing a significant shift in how we connect with others. In particular, among 18- to 29-year-olds, nearly 48% report using a dating app. These numbers confirm that digital platforms have become a primary method for millions seeking romantic connections. But how does that really work when it comes to finding the right person to develop a fulfilling relationship with? Let's examine some of the pros and cons of digital dating.

Pros of Digital Dating

1. Vast Pool of Potential Matches: Digital dating allows users to connect with individuals they might never encounter in their daily lives. This broadens the pool, giving people the chance to meet someone who may be more aligned with their interests and values.

2. Convenience and Accessibility: Online dating can be done anytime and anywhere, making it more convenient. This is particularly beneficial for busy professionals who may find it challenging to meet new people through traditional means.

3. Filters and Preferences: Dating apps often allow users to set filters based on preferences such as age, location, interests, and relationship goals. This targeted approach can help streamline the process, making it easier to find compatible partners.

4. Openness to Different Relationship Types: Digital platforms cater to a wide range of relationship types, from casual dating to serious commitments, broadening the options available for users according to their desires and lifestyles.

5. Ease of Communication: The chat features of dating apps can facilitate lower-pressure initial interactions compared to face-to-face meetings. This can help individuals build confidence and comfort before meeting in person.

   
   

Cons of Digital Dating

1. Superficiality: With the swipe-based model prevalent in many dating apps, there is a risk of reducing individuals to mere images and profiles. This superficial approach can sometimes hinder deeper connections and promote unrealistic expectations.

2. Ghosting and Lack of Accountability: The anonymity that comes with online interactions can lead to behaviors like ghosting—when someone abruptly ceases communication without explanation. This lack of accountability can be hurtful and frustrating for those seeking meaningful connections.

3. Overwhelm and Choice Paralysis: The vast number of potential matches available can lead to decision fatigue. Users might find themselves overwhelmed by options, making it harder to commit to one person and fostering a habit of constantly searching for something "better."

4. Safety Concerns: Meeting people online brings inherent risks, including the potential for catfishing, scams, or even physical harm when transitioning from online interactions to in-person meetings. Users must navigate these risks carefully to ensure their safety.

5. Emotional Exhaustion: The rollercoaster of online dating can be emotionally draining. The highs of initial connections can be quickly followed by lows due to rejection or disappointment, leading to burnout for some users.

   
   

The number one complaint I get from people about digital dating is "superficial personality". It is so easy to convey an idealistic image of yourself on a dating site, which can be quite nauseating. This includes everything from the doctored photos to the person's job and areas of interest. The problem is, we like to impress others. We want people to see us in a better light than we are. This is very easy to do and get away with on social media and dating apps. We can feed others whatever we want, and we do. Sometimes people get so caught up in this that they can't face the person at the other end, as they can't live up to the image they've portrayed. Instead, they cowardly string their digital partner along. Catfishing often begins with an inflated self-projection that spirals out of control, leaving us unable to confront the person we have been deceiving.

As I have mentioned in most of my writings, balance is everything. While having millions of people at our fingertips may sound like a good thing, it is actually terrible for us. With such a vast pool of people to select from, it overwhelms and confuses us. Instead of making it easy for us, it makes the process exhausting.  I recently watched a news segment that claimed that often, people who use dating apps are communicating with three or more other people while they are out on a date with someone. Talk about distractions. How can you focus on the person before you if you are messaging other suitors? It's incredibly tough to commit to someone when you have too many options to consider.

Dating in the digital age offers a unique mix of opportunities and challenges. With a significant portion of the population participating in online dating, it has become a normal part of modern romance. While the chance to find connections increases greatly with digital dating, users should stay aware of its downsides. I neither support nor oppose digital dating. A few people I know have found their life partner through it. Some say it can be overwhelming, making it harder to choose the right person and commit. Others think it's shallow and mostly about hooking up for sex. Like everything in life, it has a mix of good and bad traits. I prefer meeting someone face-to-face at outings, events, and social gatherings. But don't be too quick to bash it until you've tried it yourself. Just be cautious if you do.