Can You Really Trust Your Partner?

The Truth About All of Us

 Written by Nigel G Kettle

It is a well-known fact that trust is the foundation upon which we build our most intimate and fulfilling connections. It is the silent agreement that forms the very architecture of love, friendship, and companionship. Yet, it is so fragile, fickle, and entirely depends on having faith in another person. While in the beginning, some of us trust freely, giving our partner the benefit of the doubt, for others, trust does not come easily and must be earned, tested, and affirmed.

In a fast-paced world increasingly defined by digital temptations at your fingertips and rapidly shifting social norms, the timeless question often arises: “Can you really trust your partner?” Though we don’t talk about it openly, it resonates in the chambers of our minds more often than we care to admit. This article explores the complexity of trust in romantic relationships, delving into the psychology behind it, the common fears that erode it, and the universal truths about us humans that keep us all in pursuit of trust.

While conducting research for this article, I came across an article in PR Newswire stating that 71% of people surveyed admitted to cheating, with the US coming in first place. Coming in right behind were Germany and the UK, with close percentages of 68% and 66%, respectively. According to PR Newswire, 31% of affairs involved co-workers, with 37% involving upper management.

In my own survey, I asked people what they considered cheating, and this is where the results were particularly interesting. There is no common consensus on what cheating is.  Some people believe that cheating is having intercourse with another person.  Fingering, oral sex, or kissing did not count. Some believe that even holding another person’s hand was cheating. Some thought kissing and beyond was cheating. There is also emotional cheating, which is something I have been hearing a lot about lately. Emotional cheating occurs when you're in a committed relationship but share a deep emotional connection with someone else, without having an intimate physical relationship. It often involves prioritizing that emotional bond over your partner's. This includes having close, intimate conversations where you share vulnerabilities. Sometimes, it also involves sharing sexual thoughts and even the desire to be sexual with that person.

The Truth About Us

So, let's get right to it. Here is the truth about us humans.  We all desire other people. All of us do.  If your partner tells you they do not, they are lying. They may not allow themselves to dwell on or entertain the thought, but they are going to be attracted to other people. They will find other women or men engaging, charming, or so on, and be drawn to them.  The main thing that is going to stop your partner from cheating on you is the fact that they have chosen to honor their commitment to you. Stop buying into the myth that when you truly love someone, you will never be attracted to anyone else. This is a fantasy birth from wishful thinking. The bottom line is, commitment is based on an honor system. You made a promise to your partner, and you are going to honor your promise.

Yes, We Can Be in Love with More Than One Person

My wife does not like to hear me say this. Something about that statement bothers her, and I think it is the fact that she believes that if I genuinely believe it, I may be tempted to act on my belief. Loving someone doesn’t mean you are not going to have feelings for someone else. We are all quite capable of loving more than one person at a time.  But just because you can doesn’t mean you will. I love meat; however, I am a vegetarian. I made a conscious choice to stay away from something I love.  The point I am making is that you have a choice in life. You can choose to commit to one person and put all your effort and passion into that one individual, or you can split it. The choice is yours. But don’t be under the illusion that you or your partner is only capable of loving you or vice versa.  You have most likely been there at one point or another, where you care deeply about two people. However, based on your belief, you know you must choose one, but it is so hard to do because you care about both of them, albeit in slightly different ways; nonetheless, you share a strong bond with both of them.  At some point, if you are monogamous, you must give one up, so you do, based on whatever reasoning makes sense to you at the time.  But it is not an easy decision.  If you have ever been in that situation, please drop me a line and share your story.

The point is, we cannot change the world to match our idealistic notions. Nonetheless, we seem hell-bent on doing just that, so we often change reality to match our beliefs instead of aligning our beliefs with reality. This is one of the most significant problems with love. We continually attempt to alter reality to align with our unrealistic, naive, and contrived beliefs. Note, however, wishing doesn’t change reality.

Most of society seems to agree that monogamy is more conducive to a healthy relationship. Of course, I am not saying this is correct or incorrect. What is obvious is that this is the prevailing belief. I have chosen that path also because it is more conducive to me. I do, however, believe that every person should be allowed to go about this the way that works best for them and their like-minded partner or partners.  The important thing is to let your partner know your beliefs before entering a relationship with them.  

So, Can We Really Trust Our Partners

Trust, at its core, is both a choice and a leap of faith. It is a decision to be vulnerable with another human being—an act both beautiful and terrifying. To trust someone is to accept uncertainty, to allow for the possibility of disappointment, but also for the profound joy that only intimacy wrapped with conviction can bring. So, can you really trust your partner?  This is a loaded question. It is far from a straight-cut answer.  Let me explain.  If, as I stated before, we all at some point or another will find ourselves attracted to other people, how then can you truly trust anyone? This is based on the character and values of the person you are dealing with.  If your partner is the kind of person who values and lives up to commitments, then there is a decent chance that he or she will also honor his or her promises to you. On the other hand, if your partner shows blatant disregard for commitments in their life, it's likely they will approach your relationship lightheartedly as well.

Nonetheless, I want to emphasize that trust is solely based on faith.  You are having faith in the fact that your partner will live up to the promises they made to you.  The truth, there are no guarantees. Let me put it this way. Trust plays an essential role in all relationships.  No relationship can flourish without it. However, while you trust, be aware that at any moment, your trust could be betrayed. Since we are not mind readers and we never truly know what anyone is capable of, it is best to give our partners the benefit of the doubt until we are proven wrong. The alternative is too unsettling and too disruptive to the health of fulfilling relationships. So yes, for the sake of the relationship, we must trust our partners. And yes, over time you will know if you can or cannot trust your partner based on their actions.

Common Fears and How They Manifest

Even in the most secure relationships, every once in a while, you will find yourself wondering if you can really trust your partner and if you are naïve for doing so.  The fear of betrayal is not unique; it courses through our collective consciousness. Even the most secure among us can find ourselves plagued by doubt at times. This is normal; it happens to all of us.  However, unless you have serious cause to suspect infidelity, let it be a fleeting thought and don’t allow yourself to focus on it.

I want to stress that mistrust does not always manifest itself in ways that are obvious to you, the perpetrator. Instead, it sometimes manifests itself through these actions:

• Checking your partner’s phone or social media accounts

• Reading into innocuous comments or lingering glances

• Withdrawing emotionally to protect oneself from potential hurt

• Interrogating or policing a partner’s behavior

• Projecting past experiences onto current relationships

  
  

Try to refrain from doing these things. These behaviors, though understandable, often erode the very trust we seek to preserve. They create a cycle of suspicion and defensiveness, where both partners feel trapped and misunderstood.

The Role of Communication

Open, honest communication is the oxygen of trust. Yet, speaking our deepest fears aloud can be daunting. Many of us avoid these conversations, fearing that vulnerability will be met with dismissal or anger, which is sometimes the case. However, relationships that thrive do so because partners learn to talk about their insecurities, boundaries, and expectations. They ask difficult questions and listen to each other without judgment.

Consider the difference between “Why were you out so late?” and “I felt anxious when you didn’t come home at the usual time.” The latter invites connection rather than conflict, replacing accusation with care and authenticity.  Putting a little thought into how we express ourselves goes a long way in communicating effectively with our partners.

Red Flags Versus Paranoia

It is important to distinguish between healthy skepticism and destructive suspicion. Red flags—consistent dishonesty, secrecy, or disrespect—should not be ignored. If your intuition signals that something is amiss, don’t ignore it, but make sure you are addressing it with a clear head and not from an overly emotional perspective.  Note that chronic distrust with no grounding in reality can suffocate a relationship, undermine self-worth, and prove to be very destructive to your bond.

The challenge lies in developing discernment: understanding when your fears are rooted in genuine concern, and when they are echoes of past wounds or insecurity. This self-awareness is the first step toward building better patterns of trust and intimacy. Take time, every once in a while, to conduct a self-assessment. Ask yourself questions like, Why am I so fearful that my partner will cheat? Do I have a solid reason or basis for my suspicion? I am suspicious because of my own insecurities? I am using my accusation as a deflection mechanism to mask my desires, infidelity, or feelings for someone else?

It is important to note that often our ability to trust another is a reflection of the trust we have in ourselves. If we doubt our own worth or fear abandonment, it is easy to assume our partners will leave or betray us. Self-reflection is the key here. Try to understand the motive behind your suspicions.

Can You Trust Again After a Breach?

When all is said and done, remember that we are all flawed humans. We all make mistakes sometimes. Some are major betrayals, while others are small and less significant. Nonetheless, the process of rebuilding trust is arduous—but not impossible. It requires:

• Sincere apologies and acceptance of responsibility

• Consistent, transparent behavior over time

• A willingness to forgive, and some effort to move forward

• A shared commitment to growth and understanding

  
  

Note that often, when one partner cheats, it is a sign that something is amiss in the relationship. It is essential to get to the root of this.  Having a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner is crucial to understanding what went wrong.  Do not just assume that your partner did it because they are a dog, as a woman recently told me about her cheating husband. As much as you think this is unfathomable, you could be the cause. Yes, you. You could be the reason your partner cheated. Communicate with your partner in a non-judgmental way to get to the bottom of it. You can go ninja on his ass later, if you deem it necessary. OK, I am just joking about the Ninja part, and yes, I did say “his ass” because I would not dare mention that a man goes ninja on a woman. Anyway, all jokes aside, try not to let your emotions cloud your judgment, and try to get to the bottom of why the cheating happened. Based on the results, it may be worthwhile to make adjustments to yourself during the process of rebuilding the relationship.

Healing is not linear; it is a journey undertaken together. Some couples emerge stronger, having confronted their deepest fears and recommitted to honesty. Others may find that certain breaches cannot be repaired, and part ways with grace. The lesson, in either case, is that trust—like love—demands effort, patience, and courage from all involved.

In the end, trust is a choice we make, again and again. It is a dance between hope and caution, generosity and self-protection. The truth about all of us is that we are all afraid, sometimes, of being betrayed or abandoned. But we are also capable of extraordinary acts of faith—of loving with open hearts, and of forgiving.

To trust your partner is to invite them into your inner world, knowing they may falter, but believing in their goodness nonetheless. It is a risk, but one that makes life worth living. In love, as in all things, there are no certainties—only the promise of what might be, if you dare to trust.