Does Vagina and Penis Size Really Matter in the Bedroom?

The Uncomfortable Truth Revealed

Written by Nigel G Kettle

This subject is one of the most taboo topics of all time. Almost everyone secretly wants to know how important penis or vagina size is in their relationship, but is too timid to broach the subject. This is strange because there seems to be a global obsession with penis and vagina size. One of the first questions most women ask their best friends about their new man is, “Does he have a good-sized package?” Likewise, men often enquire about the vagina’s tightness. What is even stranger, women love to talk about penis size but will jump through hoops to avoid talking about vagina size. Well, come with me as we take a deep dive into the topic and set the record straight on a few things.

First, let me answer an age-old question: “Does size really matter?” Yes, it does, but maybe not in quite the way you think. A man’s penis is stimulated by resistance and friction. A woman’s vagina is stimulated in a similar but slightly different way. The inside of the vagina is stimulated by the G-spot, as well as by the constant pushing apart and contraction of the PC muscle, short for the pubococcygeus muscle (also referred to as the Kegel muscle). If the penis is too small, it will not stimulate the PC muscle or engage the G-spot enough to produce an orgasm. Likewise, if the vagina is too loose, it will not provide enough resistance or friction to bring the man to orgasm. However, there is much, much more to this, so hold your horses; we will get back to this shortly. 

What Are the Average Sizes?

According to recent studies, the average erect penis length is about 5 inches, with a girth of approximately 4.5 inches. It is important to note that while there is a lot of research on penis size, there is almost no information on vaginal size. There is more information about the planet Mars than about a woman’s vagina. For some reason, the vagina is often neglected in studies. There is some information about length, which is 4 to 7 inches when aroused, but not much about the inner circumference. Some research indicates it is 1 inch wide at the opening, which means an inner circumference of 3.14 inches. It gets slightly wider as you enter and wider as you get closer to the Cervix.

It is, however, important to note that when men refer to vaginal tightness, they are in fact referring to the elasticity of the vagina. With that said, it is important to explain how the vagina works because there are so many misunderstandings about it, partly because it is much more complicated than the male organ and far less studied.

How the Vagina Works During Sex

It is no secret that most men are clueless about how the vagina works. No, I am not overstating this. What many men call a tight vagina simply means the woman is not lubricated or turned on. When a woman is turned on, her vagina relaxes and expands in both length and width. The vagina does this to accommodate the penis. The more turned on a woman becomes, the more lubricated her vagina gets. The more lubricated the vagina gets, the less friction you will experience, and the more easily your penis will slide in. In other words, the more turned on a woman is, the less resistance you will encounter. Men, this is not a loose vagina. It is a turned-on vagina. If you require an abrasive feeling to achieve satisfaction, you may want to ease up on masturbation a bit. A turned-on vagina will never feel like your palm. 

Does Size Really Matter?

Yes, it does, but most men never have to worry about this because they fall within the average range of penises, and most women’s vagina are a comfortable fit for men, regardless of how big or small they are. Men, it is important to note that approximately 70 to 80 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve climax. There are also personal preferences.  Some women do prefer a bigger penis, and some men a tight vagina.  Truth is, penis size and vagina size do not matter to most people. There are so many ways to satisfy your partner regardless of the size of your penis and vagina. I know several women who prefer a smaller penis as opposed to a bigger one. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, while only 14% of men thought their penis was too small. Men’s insecurity is partly based on porn, which markets oversized penises as the ideal.  

As a relationship coach, I am often asked about sexual organ size. The fact is, most people don’t have to worry about the size of their penis. If you have a penis that is 4.5 to 6 inches long with a girth of 4.5 inches or more, you are good to go. For women, it is a little harder, but here is a test you can do. Insert one lubricated finger into your vagina and contract your Kegel (pelvic floor) muscles. If you can feel a firm grip around your finger, you are good. If you feel very little or no pressure, no cause for alarm. However, you may want to try strengthening your muscles a bit. Try practicing the Kegel exercise. This works in several cases, but sometimes it could be a sign of a bigger issue that may need the help of a doctor. I had a girlfriend several years ago who felt a little looser to me. After 3 months of Kegel exercises, I asked her to stop. She had become so tight that it was starting to feel uncomfortable. The point is, our sexual relationship improved a lot after that, and she was experiencing more frequent orgasms; in fact, she went from 1 orgasm per encounter to an average of 7 orgasms per lovemaking.

With that said, the real question is, as a man, what if I fall below the average size penis? The answer is don’t panic; you will have to go the extra mile to make up for it. There is no way around this. If you are lazy and selfish, you will fail at it, and your quality of life in that department will suffer. But believe me, most men who fall below this standard are considered some of the best lovers because they go the extra mile that most women are begging their partners to.  

Sexual Satisfaction: Beyond Physical Attributes

The bottom line is that there are several ways to satisfy a partner in bed. Don’t be afraid to explore and try new things. If you fall into the small number of people who have a smaller penis or a loose vagina, it is not the end of the world. You will just need to please your partner in other ways. Stop blaming the world, God, and whatever else you blame. It is what it is. Now you need to find a way to work with what you have. Your failures and successes will depend on your attitude. A woman once confided in me that her husband’s penis was only an inch and a half when erect. She went on to say her husband must be one of the world’s greatest lovers because he was able to make her orgasm like no other man she had ever been with in her entire life. Before him, she had had thirteen intimate relationships, including one with a man who had an 8-inch penis and another with a 10-inch penis. “Well, the one with 10 inches was so soft he had to keep holding the base during sex. It was truly the worst. He had a hard time just getting in.” She paused, pondering for a moment, then went on, “But strangely, he thought just having a big penis made him ‘Don Juan’. He was so proud of it. The other with the 8 inches, he knew nothing about women; he just got on, satisfied himself, and couldn’t care about me. Not once did I enjoy sex with him. But my husband, he knows my body better than I do. He knows where to touch me and when. I have never met anyone as attuned to my body as he is. I come an average of 7 times when we have sex. Before him, I would be lucky to come once.” Over the years, I have spoken to about 9 women who have told me similar stories. Another one told me, “We do a lot of foreplay, and we sometimes use toys. Nothing is off-limits; we do it all. If you can think of it, we have tried it. When you and your partner are in love and have an open mind, you will find ways to make it work.”

Eight years ago, I spoke to a young man who told me that his wife had given birth and that her vagina never returned to the way it was before. “We tried the Kegel exercise, but that did not help.” He told me, “At first, I did not know how to handle it, but I love my wife, so we decided to make it work. Today, our sex life is better than it was before. We do things that are considered taboo, but what do we care? We love each other and want to please each other.” 

Quality of sex is determined by many factors, including emotional connection, technique, and the willingness to explore and adapt together. Studies show that most women value foreplay, emotional closeness, and communication over the physical size of their partner’s penis or their own vagina. Similarly, men often report greater satisfaction when their partner is engaged and responsive.

For more information on how to satisfy your partner in bed, check out my upcoming article, How to Please Your Partner.

Addressing Common Myths

• “Bigger is better” is a myth: There is no scientific evidence that larger size equates to better sexual satisfaction. In fact, many men with larger-than-average penises have difficulty maintaining an erection. For most women, that is worse than having a small penis. 

• Vaginas are not “loose” or “tight” by default: The vagina is a muscle that adapts to individual circumstances, and its size does not reflect sexual history or compatibility. No, the number of partners a woman has does not make her vagina loose.  This is a major myth. Many men are ignorant.  They mistake a well-lubricated woman for looseness.

• Communication matters most: Couples who openly discuss their needs and desires are more likely to find satisfaction. Let your partner know which parts of your body turn you on most and when to focus on those areas. Don’t be rigid. Relax and stay open during lovemaking. A relaxed body enjoys sex far more than a tense one. 

How Important is Sex in Relationships?

Sex is very important. If anyone says it is not, they are either ignorant or lying. Sex influences the partner we choose. If you are a straight man, sex will lead you to choose a woman rather than your best male friend. If you are a gay woman, you will choose another woman because that is who you are sexually compatible with. The deciding factor in the gender of the partner you choose depends on your sexual preference. This is how important sex is in our lives. 

Can a relationship survive without sex? Yes, but you will be sexually unfulfilled. Relationships can survive without several things. However, the quality of joy, peace, pleasure, and excitement you experience will be greatly diminished if too many of the fundamental elements that comprise a good partnership are missing. 

Aside from procreation, we humans also use sex for pleasure. Most of the more advanced species do as well, including bonobos, chimpanzees, gorillas, and dolphins. Yes, most people enjoy sex and engage in it frequently. The average 50- to 60-year-old has sex once a week. Younger couples have sex 1 to 3 times a week. This, of course, varies greatly depending on personal needs. 

The bottom line is that penis and vagina size play a minor role in relationship happiness and sexual satisfaction. The key to a successful partnership lies in mutual respect, open communication, and a willingness to understand and support each other. Sexual satisfaction mostly boils down to both partners' willingness to go the extra mile to please and excite each other in the bedroom. It does not matter what size equipment you have. By focusing on these fundamentals, couples can overcome insecurities and enjoy fulfilling, lasting relationships.

For more information and articles about love and relationships, visit us at lovemisunderstood.com and read chapter 3, “Understanding Love,” from my book, ‘Balance, Counteracting the Obstacles in Life’. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to our newsletter to stay up to date on our latest articles.